Life Worth Living

Dear Caroline,

I can honestly say that I am scared. Anyone who has known me since childhood knows that I’ve never been scared of anything (except the dark, I’ve always been scared of the dark). At least I have never projected it.

Lately, I have been terrified. We have been talking about making a life, but I’m scared we are forgetting to live. We are making decisions about where to buy a home, how to invest our money, and what our next steps should be. We’ve even been investing in dressing for the jobs that we want, instead of the jobs that we have.

Between saving for the house and the jobs and the future, are we forgetting to live in the present. Many people I know talk about the seasons in your life. We are definitely in a season of transition, but there is such beauty in transition. We could decide to wake up tomorrow and drive to Disney World for the weekend. We could go get ice cream at midnight. We could do whatever we wanted; yet I find we are not.

 I believe in thinking about and planning for the long term. You should hear the conversations we have about doing X or Y or Z. We usually choose whatever is best for the long term and we are such over thinkers. We have been impulsive exactly once in our married lives. When our plans fell apart two years ago, we went on a trip to the Caribbean. And it was amazing and it was what we needed. We planned that trip in two months and loved it! Especially considering what was coming. Thomas ended up having back surgery less than six months later.

I guess the point of this letter is just wondering what the future holds and wishing there was more we could do in the present while still planning and thinking for the future. I would love to have the best of both worlds. We both have such big dreams but aren’t sure the best way to accomplish them. And if we do, how do we get there? I want to have a live worth living and the sacrifices.

Love always