Its Not Easy Being Green

Dear Caroline,

When I was a little girl I loved three things, my dolls, being read to, and Sesame Street. One of Thomas’ family members recommended a documentary called, Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey. While I haven’t had time to watch it yet, I continue to hope they will be making and/or showing Sesame Street when you are in our family.

The film gave me pause in that I’ve never even thought about the people behind the puppets. So last night I spent a lot of time with someone who gave the world so much.

Passion is the quality I admire most in people. If I were to define passion it would mean having a singular thought that is so all consuming you blindly follow it to conclusion. Personally, I believe that God himself whispers passion to people. We all have a purpose and a reason for living. Jim Henson’s passion and purpose in life was to bring joy to millions of people by sharing his Muppets. Every time I watch Sesame Street or Muppet production, it reminds me of a time I was happy.

I think the world owes a debt to Jim Henson and some twenty years after his passing we are still talking about him. I watched some of his memorial service and it honestly makes me miss what could have come. When the world loses such a great artist, the potential goes with them.

I found my passion in adopting you. I can only wonder and pray about your passion.

Wish #45: I wish for you to find your passion.

Love always  

Beginning of Lent

Dear Caroline,

As Catholics, we have entered into the season of Lent. This season is actually one of my favorite seasons of the Catholic liturgical year because we make so much more effort to attend Mass and follow through on our commitments. (As your mother pretend you didn’t read that. I want to be a good example!) We’re terrible people in that we do not always follow through on our promises, but overall we do the best we can. We are sinners after all!

This Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. It is a day that is marked by reflection. I am always overwhelmed in my thoughts about what Christ endured for me and for you. The Bible tells us that our Savior endured forty days of fasting and temptation in the wilderness. Included in the observance is a very solemn Mass with ashes placed upon your forehead in the shape of the cross. 

This Ash Wednesday the first one we’ve observed away from our home parish. We still feel like guests everywhere we try, but we’re working on it. However the Mass we attended was actually really amazing!

Father Will introduced us to another amazing saint. (Aren’t they all?) Josephine Bakhita is a modern saint that captured my attention. Fr. Will told us that her name, Bakhita, means “lucky one” and she gained that nickname after escaping a lion attack. She was a young girl who was abducted from her homeland and sold into slavery. Her only refuge was her Savior who sustained her in even the toughest days. She was exceptional. She had the kind of faith I so desperately crave.

We’re in this season for thirty-seven more days. I am excited to see what this season will bring. There is always calm and peace that comes on Easter and that only comes from preparing our hearts.

Wish #44: I wish for you to embrace our Faith.

We're married, kiddo

Dear Caroline,

One of the biggest reasons I chose to write you letters is to both show you how anticipated you are and to show you that in addition to being your mother, I am first a person.

One of my biggest annoyances or quirks is marriage. I will be the first to tell you that I never wanted to get married. Being a product of divorce and Thomas being a product of divorce, I did not foresee making the commitment a marriage requires. Not to say that I am unhappily married, it is quite the opposite. I am thoroughly happy and secure in our decision, but I am saying that it took some convincing.

To put it simply, I do not believe in divorce. Thomas and I entered this marriage under no illusions that it was going to be hard. But we also made a promise to each other that we were in this for life. I have lost respect for people who have left marriages when it became difficult. And I have no respect for politicians who scream about the Bible and the sanctity of marriage when they are guilty of adultery and divorce themselves. (BTW, Jesus specifically spoke about the sanctity of marriage while he never mentioned homosexuality. Just food for thought) Both Thomas and I have a very “Catholic” attitude to marriage. We believe that we’re married and we will be married in the eyes of God until one or both of us leaves this life. We’re married, kid.

Wish #43: We wish for a happy marriage for you.

Us in the U.S.

Dear Caroline,

The question of domestic adoption is everywhere. Adoption culture is prevalent in our area. There is a big push for adopting from foster care in Florida and as we get our news from Tallahassee we hear it all the time. I feel as though people often wonder why we aren’t interested in adopting here in the US and there are so many reasons it isn’t even funny. While both types of adoptions have many hurtles, we never really considered domestic adoption. The biggest reason is that we truly believe that you will be born in China and we are only interested in adopting you! However, setting the obvious aside, I would never want to adopt within the US because of the possibility of biological reclaiment.

In international adoption, I feel as though the most difficult part is prior to placement. There are so many different checkpoints that one must complete, but once a placement has been made it is mostly just a waiting game until your forever family is complete. In domestic adoption, the hardest part is after placement. Then come the checkpoints and the waiting period just in case the biological unit “changes their mind”. Say what you will about the Chinese process, but ultimately I truly believe that in the long run the process saves a lot of heartbreak. There are definitely problems and holes in the Chinese process, but overall it is the best available option for us. And it all works out, as that is where you will be born. I never doubt it for a moment.

Wish #42: I wish for you to never care about professional football. No Super bowl for us in this family!

Love always

My Mulberry

Dear Carline,

As a little girl, one constant in my life has always been my home. We have lived in the same house since I was two years old and a constant presence was a monster mulberry tree that grew in our backyard. Mulberry trees are known for their huge leaves and, in some cases, their purple berries.

I remember running away from my mother and hiding underneath the tree when it wasn’t in bloom. When I got in trouble and was not allowed precious snacks, I would go and pick those purple berries. I would always get caught though because mulberry berries leave impossible stains. So many of my childhood shoes and clothes were ruined with purple polka dots. The smell of mulberry leaves marked the beginning of spring and the end of fall died with the mulberries. That tree is in the background of so many memories.

Of course I have heard the importance of the mulberry tree in Chinese culture. The mulberry tree was prized because silk worms thrived in its branches. The silk trade was what opened China up to the outside world.

I’ve heard the stories of the beginning colony of Savannah when General Oglethorpe brought over mulberry trees to try making silk. I wonder if this is the beginnings of my tree as well?

I can see a parallel to our situation and the mulberry tree of my childhood. This tree was plucked out of its home environment and transplanted in Georgia where it thrived. Part of me hates myself for plucking you away from your home culture and part of me hates the culture for necessitating it. (Which is not something I am proud of.) We hope to provide an environment where you can grow to your highest potential. We love you and hope to see you become the person God plans for you to be.

Wish #41: I wish for you to have such big and impossible dreams that you accomplish.

Love always

Lame Turtles

Dear Carline,

In keeping with my New Year’s resolution, I am now reading my second adoption book of the year. The book was much better than the first, and I see a series of letters coming on as I continue to read it.

The name of this fabulous book is The Lost Daughters of China: Adopted Girls, Their Journey to American, and the Search for a Missing Past by Karin Evans. This is the first adoption book that I’ve read that I have felt as though the author really gets it!

The book is really complex in its duality. Part of the book is about an individual family’s journey for their daughter and the other half a complicated history of why their daughter was abandoned in the first place.

My first reaction made me cry. Lately I’ve been tearing up when we are out in the world and we see beautiful Asian babies. I have been asking God in my prayers lately, why does this process have to take so long! I think of you often and lack in understanding.

The greatest piece of inspiration I’ve walked away with from the book came from Mrs. Evans experience. She applied with a group of friends to go to China to bring her baby home! As is expected with the adoption process there were minor derailments and hurtles. Many of her friends left for China and completed their families while she continued to wait. And wait. And wait. She too was feeling the discouragement I am feeling, and vented to the new mothers. One of her friends was in awe of her new daughter and the perfect fit. The new mother simply told Mrs. Evans that she was waiting because her daughter had simply not been born yet. She was waiting not just for any daughter, but HER daughter. That resonates with us as we aren’t going to China for just some girl. We’re going to bring home our daughter.

One of my favorite Chinese proverbs is

“Traveling as such a slow pace,

Do you think you will ever get there?”

A fast steed asked a lame turtle.

“Yes, as long as I keep going,” said the turtle.

I feel as though we are moving at the pace of a lame turtle, we are still moving and eventually we find each other.

Wish #40: I wish for you to know true perseverance.

Love always