Mean Reds

Dear Caroline,

Sometimes with all of the noise, I just go to a mean-red place. Not the blues… As my friend Holly would say, the blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling, baby girl?

I’ve definitely got a case of the mean reds. Everything is scaring me lately. Everything is so overwhelming and new and scary and just everything. I can’t even really define it or explain it. Poor everyone around me-having to deal with me. There is something I just cannot quite put my finger on or understand as of yet. There is just something afoot and I hope that everything will reveal itself soon.

I think this is relatable. I think that every “young” person goes through some sort of crisis and I think this might be mine. But at the same time, it isn’t really my crisis. It is more than a crisis and at the same time I feel indulgent for having a crisis. I honestly am just a little ball of emotions.

What carry with me through this crisis is one bible verse I learned when I was a little girl in Sunday School.

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Wish #97: I wish for no nerves. Be fearless!

Love always

Max

Dear Caroline,

As a write this letter I feel as though I am staring across a wide, open ocean. So much is happening and is happening so fast.

There is just so much going on! Your aunts are getting ready for a new adventure by going off to university together. I remember how exciting that was when I was leaving for college seven years ago. In some ways, I wish I were going too. Some of my favorite memories are from those days. When I was putting up my new “big girl” door, I put up a picture of Max from Where the Wild Things Are, and recalled my friend Ashley getting these sweet thank you notes for me as a Christmas present. Being young and feeling invincible is something that you really cannot describe until you’re out of that stage in your life. I do appreciate the things in my life, but at the same time missing that feeling of sheer youth!  Visiting the old college town and looking for the first apartment with the girls is so fun and so sad at the same time. They did in fact find an apartment and it is “perfect”. To be young!

Thomas has been going through a lot lately. Following our vacations, his sciatic nerve began to act up and he has been in near constant pain since June 10^th. You know it is bad when my husband agrees to go to the doctor. He starts physical therapy in a week and I’m hoping that he finally begins to get some relief.

As for me, it is finally back to work. I have been stressing and spiraling into a ball of anxiety for a while. In some ways, this experience is comparable to going to a new school vis a vis middle school to high school. You’re suddenly the smallest little fish in this vast ocean. Everywhere I’ve been lately, the most adorable little pre-kers have been out and about. I am going to miss my little babies in the fall and feel completely out of my league with these third graders. I don’t know what to expect. There is a lot more pressure and oversight in third grade. Just getting the room ready has been the biggest process. I am overwhelmed but excited. I am scared but hopeful. But most of all I am thankful for this new opportunity.

Wish #96: I wish for a sense of deep wonder for you as you take this next step in your life. Change is certain, as is my love for you.

Love always

Traveling Family

Dear Caroline,

I have been so blessed with travel this summer. Honestly, I always want to do fun, exciting traveling in the summer and this year is no different. But the difference this year is that I actually have been busy traveling for the three weeks and I love it!

School ended for me officially on Friday, May 23^rd but due to some rearranging I finished up on Friday, May 30^th.

On June 1^st, Thomas and I left to celebrate our anniversary. Due to money and just general enjoyment of our last, we decided to cruise out of Port Canaveral on the Freedom of the Seas. It was a seven night-eight day cruise to the Eastern Caribbean including stops in the Bahamas, St. Thomas, and St. Maarten/St. Martin. In all honesty, it was amazingly blue, lovely vacation. The weather was amazing and just exactly what the doctor ordered. Since there were two spots, since the stop in the Bahamas, that required a paid excursion, Thomas and I decided to split the decisions and were not allowed to complain about the other’s choice.

My active husband decided to drag me kayaking, hiking, and snorkeling. I can’t complain though (even if I were allowed to) because I had a great time. Can you imagine me going kayaking!?! But we had amazing views and were able to see so much and do so much for one flat rate. I loved it.

Kayaking in St. Thomas

Meeting several hermit crabs.

View from the hike.

Snorkeling in St. Thomas

For my choice in St. Martin, I decided I wanted a tour of both sides of the island. We were able to find a company that drove you all over the island. Basically, my husband took me to France for our anniversary! We went to a (clothing-optional) beach, a real French bakery with the most incredible French macaroons, and being able to visit the infamous Maho Beach, where the planes come in.

I am always struck by how beautiful the islands are!

View of another island

Beautiful Orient Beach- Heaven honestly!

Visit to Seraphina's- the most amazing French desserts in the world!

Look how low those planes were in Maho!

When we returned from our anniversary trip, we had our (last) family vacation. My mom had a beach house for the week and we (My mom, Thomas, Katie, Leah, and Leah’s friend Allie) all headed down to Indian Pass for a couple of days. It was so much fun to have the whole family was under one roof again before people head their separate ways in the fall for school. It was a bittersweet moment because I know that we will never be in this position again. Katie and Leah are leaving to go to college and will have jobs and become adults. We will never all live on the same block again and be able to duck in and out of each other’s houses whenever. And Skype is just not the same. It was a fabulous time though with wonderful sunsets and sunrises. We saw dolphins and stingrays and just enjoyed being together. We will just have to enjoy these moments while we have them I guess.

I think we are finished traveling for a while, though we are planning a trip to Atlanta later in the summer. It's going to zoom by!

I have made a commitment to write at least once a week during the summer while I have more time. We have lots to talk about you and I baby girl.

Week #95: I hope for you to have wonderful, meaningful relationships with your siblings.  

Love always