My "Real" Child

Dear Caroline,

Someone asked me an interesting question today. Can’t you just have “real” children? That was an interesting question to me. Thomas and I have talked about having biological children. I don’t think we’ll come to a decision anytime soon on that issue. Even though I know that this person thought real = biological, I wanted to tell her how real you are to me. I feel as though I know you already in a small way. I completely believe that God already knows my great-great-great grandchildren by name should he choose to bless us with any! I know that (one?) of my daughters is named Caroline Elisabeth and he knows that date you are going to be born and what day you will join your forever family.  It is important for me to say that you will always be special to me because I have been dreaming about you for half of my life.

That is not to say that any biological children I have will be any less special. Just as God knows your name he knows the name of any biological children that I might be blessed with. That is also a fun thought to ponder. I believe that adoption is a calling. Obviously if this is a part of God’s will for my life, that means I was also called to motherhood in general. I would welcome those children just as much but not any more or any less than I await your arrival. I think the difference is that you are so concrete in that I know I will have to wait nine years to meet you. Any biological children are a vague idea at this point. Only God knows their names and what they look like. While you were always a gender certainty. My point is that I don’t think that because you are not biologically mine does not mean you aren’t my “real” child. God placed you with us. That makes you mine and I am yours. The complexities of God’s plan will always be a mystery to me, but you are and will be a “real” member of this family. I hope that you find so much love that you never doubt that for a second. Being adopted will mean you will face some challenges unique to this family. We will always support you in any decision you make in order to overcome those issues including making a return trip to China if that is what you need. Just know that you were planned to be a part of this family and God’s plan for you was placing you with us. We love you so much Caroline and know that you will always be a real child of ours and to God who, in his grace, gives you to us.

Love Always

Trust me, it might save you $800!

Dear Caroline,

We have arrived at a moment that I have been looking so forward to. I am moving out of my college apartment! I am officially an old married lady. No more fun single college girl! My first big piece of advice is to be wary of anything you sign and be responsible with student loans. (That is a story to ask your dad about.) I was really, really responsible with my student loans. I was completely debt free until my senior year in college. I held an amazing job and worked really hard. Then my senior year hit me like a semi-truck. With my school schedule it became impossible to hold a job that wasn’t bartending. So… I made the decision to take out $12,000+ in order to finance my life to focus on school. Most of this money was used to pay for an awful, gross, despicable, lying, cheating, no good, very bad apartment. These people take advantage of college students on a regular basis because they know that the students will not be able to afford to take legal action against them. After being taken advantage of this apartment for three years, the day has come to finally move out. So my piece of advice is to be wary of everything you sign. They snuck in a lot of clauses that I will continue to pay off for at least a little while. Future me is very upset about living in those apartments and at past me for agreeing to pay them as much as I did and will continue to pay them for quite some time. The silver lining is that I no longer believe in credit cards unless I can pay off the balance at the end of the month. I refuse to pay the interest on things. We have a long way to go before you go off to college, but I promise that we will make sure to read any and all documents before you sign them. I know you’ll roll your eyes and think we’re old people who don’t know anything. You’ll think that you just want to sign the papers and get on with life. But, just this once, I know what I’m taking about. Trust me on this one. It might just save you $800 when you just want to burn the bridge.

Love Always

Jeremiah 29:11

Dear Caroline,

Today is a lazy Saturday before the storm. I start my first teaching job on Monday and I am enjoying the quiet. Before I get up and get started on lesson plans, I wanted to share something with you. From Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” I think that my life is so different from how I anticipated it to go. Right now, we’ve been married for just about two months and we’re living in my hometown next to my mother. This is not my plan! But, I know that because of these decisions we’re able to both have amazing jobs and save a lot of money so that when we meet the adoptions conditions, we’ll be able to go to China and make our family complete. I also think that this verse applies so much to you. You have already been destined to become a member of our family. You are a part of a larger plan to live with me here. I am so thankful that because of God’s plans for you, you will grow up in a country that has so much and with a family that loves you and wants to provide you with an amazing future. Many choices will have to be made by you and I hope to raise you up in the spirit of the Lord so that when you face a difficult decision, you will seek God’s will and make the choice that will enable your future. We’re taking the first steps now to ensure you’ll have the opportunities you deserve. What you do with those opportunities is up to you.

Love always

Eagerly Awaited

Dear Caroline,

I had another dream of you. In this dream you were wearing a pink polka dot bikini with a matching bonnet at the beach. It was not the first time I’ve dreamt of you, but this is one of the more real ones. I got up and took a shower to get my very first real job and I spent the day dreaming of you. Even if you join our family in the smallest window possible, we still have a nine-year wait assuming the current adoption laws do not change. I often think of how in our lives everything happens for a reason. I wonder who your biological parents are. I wonder what they are doing in their lives and if they already know each other. It often stuns me that they are normal people living their lives on the other side of the world. They have no idea where their lives are heading and that one-day their daughter will be so loved. I wish I could tell them how long I have dreamed and hoped for you. I wish I could tell them how grateful we are for their sacrifice and that you will be cherished everyday of your life here with your forever family. It also amazes me to love and miss someone so much. I cannot wait to meet you, but know that you are never far from my thoughts. You are eagerly awaited.

Love Always