A Tuesday

Dear Caroline, 


I was twelve years old on a Tuesday morning ten years ago. It was another Tuesday morning. It was so ordinary I don’t remember much about the morning. I don’t remember getting ready. If it was like any other Tuesday morning, I got up around seven and watched Good Morning America.  I was already interested in politics and world news.  I really liked strawberry toaster strudels. I remember going to school. I remember I was in seventh grade and was on the “Green Team” and I had the best teachers. I had Mr. Keve, who is still my all time favorite teacher, and Mrs. Cauley who was equally amazing.

We had a normal morning. It was so normal I don’t even remember what happened. Between classes though I got a glimpse that something was not right. I heard Mrs. Corker whispering to my math teacher that airplanes had hit the World Trade Center. I remember asking Eric Poole what the World Trade Center was and if he knew what she was talking about. He said he didn’t know where that was and we went to English. After English we went to lunch and I’m sure I had chicken strips. After recess, we went back to Mrs. Cauley’s room and she was reading us the book Holes by Louis Sachar. That day she didn’t.

She used impossible words that I didn’t know. I had no idea what “terrorist” or “hijacking” meant. I didn’t know who Osama bin Laden was or where the WTC was. I didn’t know what kind of business they did there or why anyone would want to hurt us. She handled all of this with grace. I will remember her explaining these things gently and I do not remember being afraid. But most of all I remember she mentioned you. She told us that today will be a day written about in history books and it was our job to remember every detail so that when we had our own children we could tell them everything so they would never forget. She wanted us to be able to put a face on a terrible day. She said that it was our responsibility to remember that day so we could add our voices when it was time.

During math class we finally saw what had happened. Our math teacher turned on the news. We watched the replays of the airplane striking the tower over. And over. And over. And over. I remember being truly afraid for the first time in my life. I remember that terror of the unknown of if any other attacks were coming. The worst part was that no one knew if there would be. We didn't know if we should be expecting more of this. I remember adults who normally assured me needing the same assurance for the exact same fear. Looking back on that day, I know that I did not understand what was happening. I just knew that it was really bad. I remember wanting to go home.

When I got home I remember that every single channel was flooded with footage. I learned that the Pentagon had been attacked and another plane had gone down in Pennsylvania. I remember asking God why was this happening.

I can honestly say Caroline that the world completely changed that day. New words and terrible possibilities entered my world and the rest of the world. I can’t even communicate the subtle and not so subtle things that changed that day. It was a different world before September 11, 2001 and I’m sorry that you’ll never live in a world without those consequences. These consequences have ravaged our world completely. The way we board airplanes and communicate with each other have changed. Fear is in our everyday world while before it was a distant and vague possibility. The images of that day will stay with me forever.

Mrs. Cauley was right. One day you will be in a history class and you will be reading about the early 21^st century. You will read a page with a sanitized picture of that day and you will ask me if I remember that day. I will make a face and answer honestly that I do. I remember thinking of you in a vague way and dreading this moment in which you ask. I will tell you everything I remember as clearly as I have now and hope to impress upon you how important that day was. I don’t want to frighten you, but I want you to keep this in your heart and never forget.  

#4: I wish for you to never know true fear.

Love always