Courageous

Dear Caroline,

I missed you so much last night it was acutely painful.

We went to see an amazing movie called Courageous by Sherwood Baptist Church. It was a movie that challenged men to step up and become better fathers. It is completely a fact that a fatherless generation is growing up in this nation. Even the fathers that are physically present are not always present emotionally. The film is basically the story of four Albany police officers along with a local handyman who all work very hard and have families. Many of them think they are doing a “good enough” job until the main character is confronted with the tragedy of losing his daughter in a drunk driving “accident” and he must come to terms with his true performance as a father. I had many emotions watching the movie. I thought a lot of Makiah and how her heaven day is only eight days away. I think of her every day and it occurred to me that often times when tragedies happen people have regrets. The most heart wrenching part of the film was the regret and the pain of living with that regret. We only have the moments that God has blessed us with and the next moment is not promised. I hope that I can live my life with you without regrets. I hope to enjoy each unpromised second with you. I hope to enjoy you as a baby, as a small child, as a child, as a pre-teen, as a teenager and as an adult. I hope to enjoy and savor each moment with you for as long as we are together without missed opportunities or regrets. I am also so thankful that I married Thomas. We both have had issues with our parents in the past and I hope that we can do things differently. I can’t promise you that we’ll never make mistakes, but I can promise you that we will be doing our best. We love you very much and we’ll be courageously loving you and fighting for you and making the tough decisions that impact you.

There was a family sitting behind us holding their infant daughter and she was cooing and hugging her mother and being delightfully sweet. I could only imagine holding you in my lap at a movie in the future and have you reach for me. It is rarely possible for me to imagine the finite details of our life together, but that moment in time was so crystal clear you were acutely missed.

Wish #9: I wish to dance with you outside when the right song comes on. I promise to dance with you!

Love always